Letting the pain out

I am huring inside and nobody knows because I am so super good at covering it up. I think my biggest problem apart from my trust issues with people is that I am lonely. Lets start at my trust issues. People have hurt me, people continue to hurt me and people continue to not care about my feelings. I think that if I ever met someone that honestly cared about me than I might be able to trust that person but until someone cares how I really feel I cannot even begin to trust them. What hurts me the most is the people closest to me have no idea the pain I feel inside almost everyday. When I wake up in the morning my stomach physically hurts from the nightmares that I cannot seem to get away from no matter how hard I try. I am beginning to believe that these nightmares will always be around because they are a part of me and things happened whether I want or chose to believe or remember. The memories are there, they always will be. That brings us to the next topic of feeling lonely. I feel so alone everyday. I don't care how many friends I have on Facebook lets face it that they don't matter if they are not for real. If you don't make real contact with them they honestly don't exist. Facebook is a great tool for keeping in touch with people using photos and stuff but if you really feel alone like I do, facebook does not help. I wish I knew a way that I could be more connected to people in my life but I don't and when I do get close to people, I get scared. Guess what happens then, you are right, I disappear out of their life. I have so much pain and hurt locked inside me and I don't want anyone else to know. The hurt and the pain doesn't just go away because I wish it would, its staying around until I deal with it.  People are a sum total of everything that has happened to them. If you got hurt, you have trust issues. Its that simple but its not that simple to heal. Healing is the really hard part and it starts with letting someone in your life take a little piece of the pain. I have a really hard time with letting others know how I feel but when I do its like I am taking a part of my life back. Yes, I almost always start making myself feel bad for telling someone else because I don't want them to feel like I did. The problem is they don't hurt like you did because it didn't really happen to them. You are just letting them know about it so you dont' feel so alone in the world. So I ask you who are you going to trust enough to let a little of your pain out so you don't have to carry the world on your shoulders?