Lonely

Right now I am totally alone. I should be happy but I am not. I feel so alone and empty right now. I sit on my back porch and watch the familys play in the grass and I just wish even for a short time I had a family that I could play ball with in the grass or do something fun with. I wish I could feel loved for real. I never imagnined my life to be this way at 28 almost 29. I know its my fault that I am alone but trusting is so hard. I guess when the pain of being lonely is bad enough I will learn to trust. The pain of loniness is really hard right now along with other pain. I cant stop crying.