Disappointment and fear

Where does the feeling of disappointment come from? That is a hard question to answer that I don't think there is an answer. For me right now I feel like I am disappointing everyone in my life even the people who are trying to help me. First, I disappoint myself because I wanted to make a difference in the world, I wanted to succeed at my goals and I am not doing that. Instead I feel awful inside and living becomes a daily struggle. Second, I am disappointing my family. They expect the perfect daughter who performs life at the highest level. They don't realize that I can't do that when I am hurting inside and out. Third, I am disappointing my friends because they try to give me advice on life and I don't seem to use it. I think the underneath disappointment lies fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of people, fear of not being good enough, fear of life itself. To be honest there really is alot to be afraid of in life if we really think about it but as humans we chose not to because we would all be paralzyed by the same fear I have. Fear of people, fear of traffic accidents and fear of the dark to name a few. Then there is the aspect of having to be perfect. On some level we all have that fear. The fear of inperfection, not being good enough, successful enough. If there could be a would where all these fears went away I would find a way to get there. So instead we try to learn to live in this world. There are people are do it better than others but we all try. I don't have any answers just a ton of thoughts that lead nowhere, thoughts that haunt me, thoughts that try to protect me, thoughts that maybe someday I will feel better, thoughts about dying, thoughts about living. What do you do with all these thoughts when they become so interwined that nothing makes sense anymore? So today I will try to live in this present world.